Celebrate.

Thinking back, I’m not sure when it was – winter or summer, spring or fall. Logic and the process of elimination lead me to believe it was probably sometime in 1989. I didn’t have a phone in my room but there was one in the next room over that was basically mine. It was a cheap little plastic thing, a sort of mauve color that matched my bedspread almost exactly. The cord that plugged into the wall was very long, so when I was on a call and wanted privacy, I just took the whole phone into my room, making sure to tuck the cord underneath the door so it wouldn’t get pinched when I closed it.

It was probably the fall, during school. Spring? In the summer, we wouldn’t have had to be on the phone so much. In the summer, we’d have just been hanging out. Driving around, maybe going to Dunkin’ Donuts, maybe just sitting and talking, maybe a couple other things, before the cops came along with their floodlight flashlight and their amused expressions to move us along.

So no, the phone call probably wasn’t during the summer, but I can’t say for sure. We were talking, I don’t know what about. I don’t know for how long. We were laughing, having a good time. The hours-long conversations that teenagers have, about nothing in particular, just constantly reassuring each other. You’re totally interesting. I’m totally into you. Totally.

It was getting later though, though it didn’t feel that late – another clue? That it was during the school year? It doesn’t matter. Winding up the conversation, dragging it out, knowing it’s time to go.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Seriously!”

“Right! But, yeah. Guess I gotta go.”
“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight!”

“I love you.”

“You too!”

Click.

WAIT WHAT HOLD ON REVERSE WHAT COME AGAIN?

Did he say that? Did he tell me he loved me? Just now? On the phone?

Did I say “you too!”?!?

Part of my brain clamored, call him back! He’s got to be right by the phone still! Call him back and ask! Double check!

Part of my brain said, “‘YOU TOO?!?!’ A boy just told you he loved you for the FIRST TIME in your ENTIRE LIFE and you said YOU TOO and then you HUNG UP oh my God are you MENTAL?”

I am sure I don’t have to tell you which part of my brain won that particular fight. It never came up again. I suppose I really might have imagined it. But it doesn’t really matter. It was all part of those first steps, whether the words were there or not.

Celebrate love, today. Because it’s a good thing. Because it makes us stupid, but it also makes us kind. Because it is huge and loud and because it is small and soft. Because you can. Celebrate.

February 14, 2012 ¡ Jen ¡ No Comments
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