a little gift
I didnâ€™t set an alarm this morning, though it was in the back of my mind Iâ€™d like to go to church this week. I had been invited to a brunch; there was also a movie I wanted to see. When I first awoke to the gray, rainy morning my mind immediately leapt into overdrive. If I get up now, I can make it to Mass at X time. If I do that, I can make it to brunch. Or, I could go to Mass at Y time, and make it to the movie. Perhaps if I canâ€™t make it to the brunch I can take the time to run this errand, or that one. I should measure that picture, I need to find a frame. I need a new wallet. I havenâ€™t been to the library in a while. I still have part of a gift certificate to the bookstore. Iâ€™d better double-check the grocery list. Maybe Iâ€™ll…
Mercifully, I fell back to sleep.
I woke up again a little more than an hour later, realizing some decisions had been taken out of my hands. I didnâ€™t get to church, brunch, OR the movie. I did get a new wallet (the old one was literally ripping apart). I did get groceries. I did clean my apartment.
I did walk in the rain. I did do more thinking about what the practice of religion means to me, versus the mere state of spirituality. I thought about failing to do a thing or two while still not feeling like A Failure. I thought about people I treasure.
Now Iâ€™m thinking falling back asleep was the best decision I could have made, all things considered, even if it wasnâ€™t a conscious decision. Now Iâ€™m thinking of a quiet evening at home, inside, with the cats, peaceful.