Dressing it up
Ten years ago, my friend Mandy and I were roommates, and she was preparing for her wedding in the fall. It had been ten years since we graduated high school and I know that in some ways, I was waiting on a reunion invitation. I’m not sure if I had something I wanted to prove, or if I was secure enough financially (internet money!) to feel like I could go and not feel like a loser. Heck, I suspect it may have been that I just wanted to tell people I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork.
When the invite came, it was for a week before Mandy’s wedding, so that wasn’t going to happen.
Looking back, I think that’s fine. Here’s why: part of the reason I’m not entirely sure why I was thinking of going to my ten-year reunion was that in 2000, I was very out of touch with myself. I wasn’t keeping up much of a journal at all, I wasn’t blogging in any form yet. I was living entirely on the surface of things. When I’d think about going back, I’d think about status-related things: who would look like what, who would drive what car, have what job, who would be married, who would have kids. (Not that marriage and kids are surface things, but I was thinking about them in a pretty superficial way.)
Now it’s ten years after that, and my 20th high school reunion is in a little less than three weeks. I bought my ticket and found a fantastic dress. And I’m ready to go.
Does mentioning the dress sound like I’m just being superficial again? Here’s why I’m happy I found it: it suits me. I think if I had seen this dress and didn’t have any functions to wear it to, I might have gotten it anyway and invented one. I haven’t always – and don’t always now – expressed myself well in the way I dress. I like to be comfortable and casual, but I like to dress up sometimes too. This new dress makes me smile. I feel so comfortable and at the same time I look pretty classy. With years of struggle with my weight and self-esteem, finding a dress that makes me this happy is kind of a big deal.
But it’s not a big deal because I want to make other people feel bad. It’s not a big deal because I want boys who didn’t give me the time of day in high school to chew their own hands off. It’s not a big deal because I feel like I am going to be given some kind of award, a tiara perhaps, and pronounced “Person Who Has Finally Learned To Dress Herself.”
It’s a big deal because I feel totally happy and totally me in it, and that’s how I want to walk into my reunion. Happenstance brought the group of us together and it’s not much more than another exercise of happenstance to have a reunion. But I’m proud of who I’ve become, not for superficial reasons, but for more abiding ones. What I’m really hoping happens at the reunion is we can all find a little bit of that in each other. And I hope the music is good, because this dress will be damn fine for dancing.
July 20, 2010
· 
Jen · 
7 Comments
Tags: self · Posted in: Uncategorized
7 Responses
Lovely thoughts! I’d like to see the dress, too. =)
I bought a pretty pink sundress this weekend. And a cardigan to go with. It makes me very happy.
Pictures, please, as soon as you can!
Pictures please!! Or impromptu fashion showing at your place!
Amber, I’ll post a picture once I get one. Need someone else around to take it! Or I need to get a full-length mirror. =)
Cori, awesome! I’ll share pictures – you should too!
And Pam, either of those is possible! Or, I get you to come over and take the dang pictures since I don’t have a good mirror. =)
Really want to see the dress!
Megan, I’ll try to get a picture soon! =)
Leave a Reply