Reductio ad absurdum
Itās been nearly two years since I set up a Facebook account. Iām the first to admit that I did it somewhat begrudgingly, accepting that it is becoming the normal way for people to connect, or to reconnect after being out of touch for a while. Itās certainly a useful tool in many ways, a mildly terrifying example being the official word I received there recently of my 20th high school reunion to be held this summer. My acceptance can even become enthusiasm, getting in touch with a few long-lost friends and even making a needed apology many years later than I should have done.
For the most part I havenāt paid much attention to my profile over the years other than to upload new photographs from time to time. Not long ago I went to do just that and happened to take a look at the rest of my profile. There was my status, āSingleā…and there were my political (āliberalā) and religious (āweirdā) views. Why on earth had I let those tossed-off answers stand? Talk about two things that can hardly be summed up by one word each. My āreligious viewsā answer bothered me the most, because they are something I consider a constant work-in-progress, and it seemed wrong to dash them off with a single word. Therefore, after I set up my new photo I also deleted my religious and political views from my profile.
Sure enough, there was the little notice: āJen Raffensperger has changed her religious views.ā How absurd. Was I going to get ālikeā messages on that? Putting out a chipper little notice like that just seemed wrong, and I couldnāt quite put my finger on why.
Today I happened to hear the news that a friend of mine had ended a relationship. She reported that when she went to change her status on Facebook, the message it gave her was: āClicking āsaveā will cancel your relationship. Are you sure you want to save changes?ā I was incredulous. Iāve never had to change my relationship status on Facebook, and was struck by the absurdity of that comment. Really, Facebook? Clicking on a button will cancel a relationship? As if weāve suddenly achieved the memory-wiping technology of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? As if all the hard work, thought, occasional tears and sometimes very great pain of ending a relationship could somehow be summed up with a single little click? Sure, boom, it never existed, right!?
Thatās when I thought of that little message. āJen Raffensperger has changed her religious views.ā Sure. Sure, thatās what Iāve done, just with a click! I didnāt have to live through angry years of denial, didnāt have to explore the legacy of religion within my family, didnāt have to confront the failings that my spirituality presented me with, didnāt have to own up to years of willful ignorance, didnāt have to struggle to come to a mindful place where I could explore my own ideas and beliefs and respect those of others. Just had to push a button! Silly me! Iāve been wasting all this time praying, writing, reflecting, railing, crying, fist-shaking when I could have just clicked āsaveā!
When I first heard about click-to-cancel-your-relationship, I laughed, but I was angry. By golly I was ready to write a screed about the work behind human connections, and the folly of reducing them to a mouse-click kiss-off. I would say itās taken a step back from screed, but I think itās important in todayās click-intensive world to remember that the messages we send arenāt meaningless, even if the semantics surrounding them are thoughtless. Canceled relationship indeed.
Friends, the next time youāre on Facebook you might notice a little something in your news feed. Itāll say āJen Raffensperger is no longer listed as single,ā but donāt get all excited. I just decided the next time I do make a large, and largely thoughtful, change in my life like that…youāre going to just have to wait until I can tell you about it. In person, at length, and possibly with hand-gestures. Click on that.
January 21, 2010
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Jen Ā· 
6 Comments
Tags: absurd Ā· Posted in: Uncategorized
6 Responses
Wow. That is something else. Imagine if it was a bad break-up how hard it would be seeing that. Your relationship has already been canceled. The last thing a person needs is facebook’s insensitivity to remind them.
Re: ending a relationship with a click.
Several years ago, my niece was informed that a relationship she was in had ended. She received a text message.
Jennifer, I know! Facebook is handy for some things, but there are some things it really is best kept out of, I think.
George, I’ve heard of that too. If someone tried dumping me that way I would probably go key their car. If only just to prove that I can be stupid and immature, too! =)
Although I love Facebook for keeping me up to date on people getting engaged, giving birth, etc, it’s also a horrible way of finding out that couples are splitting up. The first time I saw something like that, I mistakenly thought it to be a joke (they had been happily married, as far as I was aware). Now I try to be much more careful. Damn Facebook.
I only ever view status updates and photos, not the news feed, so I don’t get these abrupt little messages. Absurdity filter!
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